Monday, September 10, 2012

looking ahead

I still feel incredibly lucky and grateful that ivf worked for us.  Our son is over 9 months and thriving despite his rocky start to life. I'm already thinking about his first birthday.  As much as C and I are enjoying this time right now... the logistics of what needs to happen for us to have another kid are sort of hovering over me.  I want to have another kid.  I want to try for another biological one.  I want to do it sooner rather than later cause I already have enough trouble... I don't need age working against me any more than it is.  Yes, we're excited about adoption (if you were wondering/judging) and will be trying that if we can handle a third kid (and maybe for #2 cause who knows...) but as many of you know... it f-ing sucks to not get to decide how your family is made up... and I don't want adoption as a forced option... I want it as a choice.  So that means ivf is in our future.  Last time it worked for us and hopefully ivf will work again.  Am I excited about the meds, the money, the constant doc appts, the stress, the worry, the weight gain, the pain, the possible ohss, the possible disappointments, being too tired to be 100% present for the kid I'm already lucky enough to have?  No.  A big fat no.

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