Sunday, January 30, 2011

hanging in there, doin' my thang

So, for now my FET is scheduled for Valentine's Day.  Hopefully nothing will go wrong.  We transferred our frozen embies to the new office on Monday... or what I think is Monday... it feels so long ago.  C admitted to me during our 6 hour ordeal that he couldn't imagine doing this by himself (like I did the first time).  Even with both of us there... it's so stressful, so many hurdles to get through to make it happen, coordinating between offices, embryologists, making sure they get transported okay... but it got done!  Now we're just waiting on our medical records and the random office transfer is complete.  Other than the hassle, we're liking the new digs... still loving the RE.  Now it's mostly just about my body cooperating.  I feel like it will.  I even feel like I might even get KUed up soon.  Not just in a hopeful way, but in a "I think I have a handle on the sixty variables there are to conquer to be able to move forward" way.  I know a million things could go wrong even if I get pregnant... but I'm feeling like this Spring is gonna work out for us.  If it doesn't, it will suck in a whole new horrible way... but I'm not there right now.  Right now I'm hopeful.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

10 days ago

I moved my frozen embryos to my new RE's office.  There's a whole entry about it.  Photo proof and everything.  Just found out he left his practice and I have to move them again!  I'm following him to the new place though I'm not sure why he left and he can't tell me for legal reasons.  But everything so far points to him being a good and caring doc who has already caught things my last RE didn't.  So hopefully Monday I will do that stressful move all over again.  Monday is also my first U/S for the new cycle so we're hoping to be on our way towards actually getting to do this!  Also hoping when we show up Mon., that we feel comfortable with the new place and we can move along as scheduled.  I should write a guidebook for local fertility doc offices since this will be my fourth.  Wait... fifth since I went with BFF to hers once.  I've been inside 5.  I'd rather be a wine connoisseur instead of an RE's office one.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


Four of our 7 frozen embryos survived the thaw from last week and grew out to blasts.  I'm very happy with that.  In a few weeks when we try this again (hopefully) we will defrost 2 of these blasts to transfer.  And hopefully they will survive the second thaw.  I'm feeling pretty good over all. I've had a few moments lately where I'm in a baby situation I want out of.  Had one today and when I couldn't politely get out, I walked away.  My new coping strategy.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

slight delay

so... Friday is postponed.  I'm bummed but I think I just want to put it behind me and gear up for my next shot which will probably be in a month.  Still a lot of variables to get through, but I'm enjoying feeling not-so-depressed so I'm going to just bury this one.  Mentally healthy?  Who cares.

Bright side:
I am pretty busy this month.. even working over this weekend when I was supposed to be on bed rest.  At least I will be able to calmly go at the next one.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

frozen babies on board...

In my car anyways.  I had to pick this thing up, lug it to my car. At first I thought it was funny.  I could barely carry it.  Then it sunk in how far my car was and how I still had to carry it into the old RE's building, back into my car, then back to new RE's office.  There were tears.  There was an offer form BFF to come drive to this parking lot to help me.  I eventually just asked help from strangers because my re's office assumed I was able to carry it -- even after I told them I couldn't when I sucked it up and called and asked them for help. The nurses are just used to lighter tanks (this was probably fifty-ish pounds) and I literally could only carry it about fifteen steps before I had to put it down.  Eventually one of the nurses came down to help me.  It was a ridiculous physical journey to get our frozen embryos to the right office for our transfer on Fri.

Anyway, aside from a ridiculous start to that morning -- I had an U/S.  My lining is at 9.5.  Awesome for me.  And the mystery blobs are shrinking!  RE hopes they will be all gone by Fri and we'll transfer even if there is a small trace of them.  Yes, stuff could still go wrong.  Maybe my embryos won't thaw well... maybe they won't make it to day 5.  Maybe it just won't work.  But whatever happens, at least we're getting this far.  I just lied in my own blog entry -- to myself.  The truth is my hopes are up.  Just took a bath like it might be my last bath in a long time.  SO dumb, but impossible not to do.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Here we go

Things have been busy.  Time is a flying.  I went for my first FET U/S since I started on estrace tabs 3/day.  I expected to hear what the next step would be to thicken my lining.  Surprisingly... my lining was at a 9.  Thick enough to transfer already.  Bad news: those same mystery black globs showed up (old RE called them cysts, new RE says they're excess cervical mucus.  New RE homes that now that I'm taking progesterone shots, that should make those go away.  I asked what happens in they don't.  He said that will be a hard call.  You don't want to transfer unless the environment is all good.

So, I'm planning for an FET out of nowhere (I thought it would be in Feb, but my lining responded so fast). There's a chance I will show up and it will be too much of a mess to transfer.  Of course, my hopes are up and that will suck.  Tomorrow I transfer my frozen embryos from old RE's office to new RE's.  I hope I don't do anything to mess that up.  I hope no one else involved messes it up.  And mostly, I hope those mystery black blobs on the ultrasound machine go away so we have a real shot.