been a while

Well... I haven't been posting about my cycles as much.  I do want to track it, but I've been, I guess, trying to ignore it as much as I can.  That last transfer I posted about was a BFN.  I've since transferred the one remaining frozen (that survived and tho was stuck in the tube did wind up inside me).  I just found out that too was a BFN.  I've now done 2 fresh and 1 frozen since L was born and I have no frozens left.  Will have to start over.  Feeling discouraged. My re is starting to question my protocol as well as thinking I should be putting back more than one embryo which after this last time, he doesn't need to be the one convincing me -- I'm already there.  Anyone reading this who's done any ivf knows how much thought, money, hope, time, planning, favors, etc went into these failures.  For the 1st time since I had a baby, I am now honestly wondering if I will get to do it again.  Back to a lot of the old, terrible ivf emotions.  Bitter.  I know I'm lucky to have one kid.  I know.  It is just exhausting to have to work so hard for something so important -- that is usually just handed to people.