Lap on Friday....

I spent a good part of my down time this T-day figuring out if I should reschedule my lap surgery this Friday.  I'm a little nervous for the pain, but know I can get through it.  What I'm most nervous for is taking more time off from work... that I don't know how much time I'll need and more than two days will be not great... I'm nervous that outside of work I have something that also has a deadline that the recovery days will take me out of, but also just generally being tired from having surgery will make my now normal routine of getting to work early and staying late and using the weekend to get it done will be hard.... like I'm just getting by right now but I'm about to add a major hurdle to all of my work stuff.  BUT... the reason I'm not waiting until after work slows down, is I need that time for IVF and potentially getting OHSS again.  You may be wondering.... "aren't you feeling frustrated and angry that you have to do things like plan for surgery and getting sick where you may need to be hospitalized instead of getting to try and do your best at work uninterrupted and use your time off to plan a vacation instead of lingering around doing ivf,  hoping to not get sick from it?"  The answer is yes... I am feeling very resentful that I have to do all this shit.  But I have to.  It's the only way to get to our goal.  Just now, waiting for this next step,I've been off BCPs since late Sept.  Still no period.  A reminder that I'm still defective.  That we can't have kids without ivf right now and maybe ever.