Boo.

It's Halloween.  I was dreading having to answer the door to trick or treaters tonight.  But none came so far.  There are kids on my street... maybe there's some infertile stink coming from my house.  My BFF who went through ivf and is now weeks/days away from her first kids said she looked back on her blog during all those struggles and how depressing it was.  And that's where I am... blogging about the big fat suck of IF.  I guess someday I'll be past this... either with bio kids or adopted... but right now it feels so permanent.

On a whim I called a fertility doc I'd read about who is local and I went in with C for a consultation.  We really liked him.  He had some ideas on what steps he'd take to get me to a frozen transfer.  He was concerned about my HSG xrays and might want to do a laproscopy to peek in at m'tubes and correct any blockage in case it's causing crap to back up into my uterus and interfere with implantation.  New RE excited us, made us feel hopeful... like i'm not a medical mystery... but it could just be shiny and new.... he might look at my medical records and realize that his ideas/theories/plans don't apply to me.  He could ultimately let us down... but right now we like that he wants to simplify my meds and take action.

I know we should get more opinions, but we really like this new guy and feel ready to start up with the legwork that will gets us towards being ready to try cycling soonish, or get the lap done.

I feel like there have been a lot of moments where I had to chose between some invasive diagnostic mystery solver procedure or moving forward... feels like this choice keeps happening.

Okay, as I'm typing my bitter fertility blog, we got our one trick or treater.  C went to the door... just hearing their little voices got me tearing up.  Don't they know not to be all cute in earshot while I'm mid-venting?  All primed to feel...

Anyway.. I'm jealous of Bff's barely written on blog... because she's not writing because there's nothing more to say.  She did it.  She's out of it.  When I don't write lately, it's because I'm avoiding it because I'm avoiding thinking/feel about something incredibly sucky.