Sunday, October 17, 2010

the break so far....

Well, I'm happy to not be running to doc appts.  Happy to only have a few pills to take every day.  Happy to not be spending money left and right on medical crap.  I don't really have any free time to sit around feeling bad... so that's not a huge issue... a few break downs here and there.  Standard IF stuff... I feel sad under everything, but I'm hoping in time that will go away  I have some issues out in public when I see kids.  I feel uncomfortable and upset.  Awesome.  It's depressing to not be looking forward to some fertility hope.  I guess I have long term hope... like in a few years this will be over because we'll have moved on to adoption at some point.  I know I need this time to get myself back, rested... somehow calm enough that I can get pregnant... but don't women in war zones get knocked up?  Teen moms have to worry about homework and soccer matches and PSats... shouldn't I be able to get knocked up even if I'm stressed out?  I think this last attempt killed some last kernel of enthusiasm towards this process, so maybe next time I try I will be less excitable and it will work.

One good thing: I found a massage place that is only $45/hr and really good... so I think I will start going there whenever I have the time (so... twice a month).  I'll lump it in with all of my ivf costs :)

No comments:

Post a Comment