Sunday, October 24, 2010

the get-a-way

C and I had our wedding anniversary get away since our original one was cancelled because of our transfer date... and then our anniversary went totally uncelebrated because of the OHSS we went to Palm Springs (to a hotel where there wouldn't be as many kids).  The first thing that happened is the hotel front desk girl asked if we were the parents of some grown assed high school kids in the lobby.  I have never been mistaken for being older, let alone 10+ years older than I am.  I laughed and the girl explained: she herself is twenty and the one year old in the lobby is hers... so we could technically still be the parents of the other kids.  I told her even with her math, that's crazy.  I'd have to have had them when I was 14... which I guess is possible, but weird to say to someone.  I hope that dumb girl and her baby had a shitty weekend.

Our weekend away was much needed and pretty relaxing... though I'm at the beginning of trying to lose my weight from the past six months... and in all the iF struggles, food has been a comfort, so letting go of that has been hard so far.  I'm so out of shape and resentful of the physical and emotional shitstorm of IF that pushed a girl who normally has to work hard to not gain weight to gain ten-15 pounds.  Yes, some people go through this and don't gain weight... but that is not me.  The weight is a daily reminder that not only did IVF drain my wallet, my spirit and my sanity... but it has left me pudgy and still not pregnant.  So I'm trying to exercise again... I know I should be anyway.  I'm trying a food delivery service during the week since lately finding a healthy meal to eat has left me in tears since I have no time to shop and cook... I thought I was eating healthy before, but now adjusting to the portions has reminded me that I really have been overeating.

C has been an awesome husband through out this.  He gets overwhelmed by how sad I get... but I am getting upset less often.  We are having more fun now... as I type he's setting up Guitar Hero.  He also hasn't said one negative word about me splurging on an expensive food delivery service.  He said a ton of nice crap to me when I felt sad in a dressing room after not fitting into any of the clothes... he's always telling me how good I look.  He's really been taking good care of me.  If I have to be going trough all this fertility stuff, I'm happy to be going through it with him.

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