You may think I make up medical issues for negative attention. I would if I read this blog. There's always something for me to whine about. When I write positive entries, I feel like i'm jinxing myself because something always comes up soon after...
Well, it has once again.
I had a doc appt today. It was just a precautionary ultra sound. The tech said my cervix looked great, but as she watched it, it slowly revealed that it is short (not good) and funneling (also not good). I saw a different doc today than my normal lady. He walked in the room and I was already crying. He suggested I take it easy... I told him other than light walks, occasional pre natal yoga and running errands, I already take it easy. he suggested I stop working. I couldn't believe it. I feel so far away. I explained how sedentary my job is and he said if it freaked me out to stop, then just to try it and eliminate anything at all active. C explained to me that I'm in a grey area where maybe everything will be fine, maybe not. We just have to monitor me. The doc today said to call if I have bleeding or contractions. WTF?! That sounds crazy to me. Now I'm hoping to just keep this baby in as long as possible... I'm terrified of what might happen if he comes too early. I have an appt with my perinatologist on Mon. C and I trust him. If he says to go on bedrest, I will. If not, I'll keep doing what the other doc said.
Then on the less important side, I'm thinking about all the things I wanted to get to do before he's born. I've been desperately looking forward to my trip home for Thanksgiving to see my family, see my sister's wedding dress fitting, celebrate my mom's birthday and have my shower where I'd get to see my friends/family I never get to see... oh yeah, and get to celebrate this pregnancy that took so long to achieve... then there's the birth classes... the LA shower I was looking forward to... enjoying Christmas, maybe a baby moon...
Maybe none of that. In the grand scheme of this pregnancy, who cares... but I'm just tired of "dealing." It's been several years of medical worry, of worrying for our future family... of fear, stress and dissappointment. I feel worn down. And now scared once again.
Been praying for a full-term healthy baby boy for you. Will keep up the prayers. Know that positive thoughts are being sent your way from all over. I hope you can relax and still get to do all of the exciting things you want to do to celebrate this little life that will be here soon (not TOO soon!).
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