big adjustments

Saw my perinatologist today.  First something cute before the crappy stuff: during the ultrasound I had my head resting on my elbow, arm behind my head.  When the tech found the baby, he was in the same position.  I've never felt more like "that's my kid in there."

Then the doc did a vag u/s to check my cervix.  At first it looked good, but just like on Friday's, when he applied pressure it shortened to 2.3 and the funneling got worse.

I'm not allowed to work full time anymore.  I am not allowed to fly to the east coast for Thanksgiving (so, so, so upset about this.  It's my favorite holiday, I get to see my entire family, my mom had a shower planned that will now be cancelled, my sister scheduled her wedding dress fitting to I could be there along with my grandma and aunt, we had fun stuff planned for my mom's b-day, spending qt with fam and friends I rarely get to see... being around them when I was really looking pregnant... I already had my "what I'm thankful for" speech (we go around the table each year) al planned out...)

It felt too good to be true to get to have this time with my family and friends... and it was.  This is one of those times it is really hard to not live near family.

But I know that's not as important as the baby's health.  Not as important as keeping him in there for as long as possible.  I'm 25 weeks tomorrow.  It's way too early for him.  I'll do whatever it takes.  Just still absorbing what is going on.

I asked if my situation could improve and was told absolutely not, it can only worsen.

I asked if there was any way I could drive to San Fran for Christmas and doc said he'd be happy if I was still pregnant at Christmas.

And to think I wasted any breath on whether I wanted him born on or around Valentine's Day... seems ridiculous now.