Wednesday, November 2, 2011

adjusting to being horizontal most of the day

Things are going okay.  I went back to work yesterday and had to stop myself from crying a few times.  Mixed feelings of WTF am I doing here... along with feeling lame and helpless  Everyone is very understanding and helpful (though I'm sure my boss isn't thrilled to have me half-way gone so early in my pregnancy).  I'm learning to ask for things... at home C has been doing everything for me except showering me and going to the bathroom for me.  At work everyone's been offering to help.  Even if Monday's doc appt looks good (as in -- not worse since it's not going to improve)... I'll have some decisions to make.  Right now a big chunk of my "work day" is me on my feet getting ready for work and the hour drive each way.  I feel like it might be a better use of my time working form home... it's not like I can contribute the way I used to when I'm not there all the time, when I'm lounging on a couch in the back of the room, when I can't really walk to different offices.  Obviously I will do whatever my body needs me to do, but if i have to work from home, I will really miss the human interaction.  It's funny, before the idea of not having to work full time sounded amazing... but not this way.  Not where I can't do anything.  

The positives of my situation are: 
holy shit -- I'm pregnant.  That in itself is still a miracle.  
I'm not hospitalized -- in the comfort of my house
I'm further along than I could've been with this issue.  25 weeks is scary but close to where it'll be okay
though I feel horribly guilty letting people down at work, I'm so lucky to have a job situation where I won't be fired for it
my husband is doing everything he can for me
my friends are really coming through for me
and this is temporary.

1 comment:

  1. Is there any way they can Skype you into meetings and creative sessions at work? Just brainstorming...

    Glad you are somewhat stabilizing. 25 weeks is a great accomplishment. I'm still holding out hope for all 40 though :)