baby on board... sort of

We got to transfer.   It was an emotional day... trying to keep walls up in case something messed it all up.  Feeling excited all morning that nothing did.  Just as I announced to BFF/DH that since we didn't get a call from RE saying there was no problem with the thaw, my cel rang.  The timing was mean... We had one good blast survive, the second one was missing (still don't get what happened but there was a problem somewhere alone the way and it's just plain gone) and the third one was only sort of okay.  So we went ahead and thawed the last of the four.  I barely drank a half liter of water (I was told to drink a liter -- you need a full bladder to help them see where to insert embies) so though I was supposed to be very relaxed, this nervous pee-er felt like I needed to pee... so when I got to RE's office, I did what I now know from these things I'm good at: just peeing a tiny bit... about 4 seconds worth.  Then while we waited to go in they gave me valium.  It was so so so good to be relaxed.  The transfer choreography between my doc and the nurses/embryologist was awkward... new office, maybe I was their first transfer there.  My RE was in control, but there was a lot of "now you do this" and "no, wait, let me do that."  Still, they put the catheter in and then comes the part where the embryologist came back form checking the catheter to make sure all embies were out.  But one wasn't.  So we did it again.  Three were transferred.  One great one, one okay one, and one not great one.  I was given a 50% chance of getting pregnant from this.  When it was done and DH and I were left alone to rest.. DH started playing music on his phone from our wedding for me.  The sun streamed in and lit up just our faces (seriously -- my cheeks are still pink from it)... and that's when it hit me.  We actually got that far.  All the hours and hours ( can't stress enough how much of your life gets consumed with this) of worry/disappointment/determination all resulted in a chance.

Finally a real chance.

So far I feel relaxed and hopeful.  I had one small freak out -- as I was doing my PIO (progesterone shot) routine where I use a heating pad after... I remembered at my other RE's office they said no heating pad after transfer (they meant over ute area for cramps and mine was just on my butt) but still, I got a little worried.  BFF said she used a heating pad for those shots 16 weeks into her pregnancy so I think it's fine... so now all there is to do is take it easy and wait.