I just graduated from my RE. I had my last appt. there. From now on I go to an ob-gyn as if I'm a normal pregnant woman. I felt really emotional, but no tears. I've heard friends talk about tearful, happy moments when they see the heartbeat, etc... not me. I feel happy. Relieved each time. But I haven't FELT that joy yet. That's what I've been thinking about today... how much had to happen to get here. How many doctors appointments... I can't even guess. How many injections, pills, moments of panic, moments of grief, of fear, of anger. Tears. Exhaustion. Therapy appointments. A sadness that creeps into every single day. I don't know how to let go of it all. I still feel incredibly angry that C and I had to go through it. Yes, mostly I feel elated that something I've been so desperate for is actually happening... but I still have to find a way not to hold onto all this negative stuff.
On a happy note: 9 weeks was my random week in my head where I'd feel like if I made it that far, I was probably going to have a baby... and depending on which doc/chart you go by -- either today or tomorrow is 9 weeks.