Thursday, August 18, 2011

is it possible to be 14 weeks pregnant and still think like an infertile?

Yes.  I had a weird day where I caught myself feeling self conscious referring to myself as pregnant.  I felt annoyed when someone I know got pregnant easily said (perfectly nice and polite) baby stuff to me... she was just being nice but it struck me (for no rational reason) as a little upsetting.  Then I heard that acquaintances had a baby... I didn't even know they were pregnant because we barely talk to them...  I felt upset hearing about that.  Like, I started crying.  Why am I still having these feelings?  It's like today, despite being told that I've popped by several people... I seemed to have forgotten the past couple months.  Forgotten that things are working out.  I don't need to be jealous of people getting pregnant. I am, too.  I think maybe I have residual jealousy about how easy it can be.  It's a waste of energy and tears, so I hope these feelings go away.  I think I've just been so busy I haven't had time to really "be present" in my pregnancy for the past couple weeks and these things snuck up on me tonight.

Overall, pregnancy-wise... things are good.  We listened to the heartbeat at home yesterday and instead of searching for a few minutes, heard it instantly.  I'm excited for the next month... my belly is growing, we have some big doc appts coming up... we'll probably find out gender. Things are good. I need to focus on that.

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