Monday, June 14, 2010

waiting again...

I'm guessing anyone who writes about their IF has that title on their blog. I was struggling to wait for my FET and now that it's postponed... I'm waiting to find out if and when it will happen this month. Not the same struggle of waiting for over a year to even start fertility treatments... cause that's a different kind of waiting... where you look ahead months at a time and then feel totally powerless as the weeks/months pass and IF feels like a permanent state with no way out.

Now I'm trying to go about my days, taking my meds, trying to just live.... everything was a count down to my FET, and now that I don't even have a date for it, there's no countdown except to my next RE appt on Friday to get more answers. On Friday when I made my first post, I was so sad. Still absorbing the news that what I thought was happening, my second real chance of getting pregnant, was now taken off the schedule. Today I feel okay. I feel like I have it in me to go about my day. To be productive. It's depressing that IF now has enough sway over me that it's exciting to just not feel overwhelmingly upset. But I have to go with it. I'm bored with feeling upset. I'm going to try and fake feeling positive and see if I can trick myself into believing it.

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