Monday, August 16, 2010


So much to report from today.  My RE visit went horribly.  My lining stayed at 7 and had developed those same cysts as last time.  RE is confused... recommended another biopsy that might lead to laproscopic surgery... searching for something, not going in with a target.  He called the cysts "red flags" but he wasn't sure for what.  C and I decided not to do this procedure... we opted for trying a fresh cycle (because my lining was fine when I did all those meds) but it will be hard on my body, emotionally and financially.  My RE isn't confident in this, but he isn't confident we need the biopsy... he isn't sure what to do... though has seen it before and has not given up on us... we're just in this scary place of really guessing at what to do.  How the fuck did it get so complicated?  I was just not ovulating... now I have some rare uterine lining issue.  C pointed out that as US machines become more advanced, they can detect more.  So maybe these cysts are not a big deal... they're just isn't much knowledge about them yet.  So, we're gambling on something that was already a gamble to start with.

In my gut, I feel that I am someone who is capable of getting preggo.... it's just more complicated than we thought.  I might look into REs who have more experience with lining issues... but for now, I'm going to try a fresh cycle and then hopefully (cause nothing seems to work anymore) get to transfer some frozens.  I'm so discouraged.  So far away from this actually working.

I wonder how many hours I've clocked working towards these cycles that didn't work.  This includes doc appts, pharmacy trips, phone calls to both of those, emails with nurses, online research, food, diet, eating my emotions, exercise, meditations, acupuncture, following old wives tales, good luck routines/charms, SCHEDULING, WORRYING, talking about it, blogging, reading, therapy appts, shots, pills and planning.  For shit that hasn't worked.

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