Monday, July 19, 2010

I'm not totally selfish!

Today was great.  Not for any particular reason.  One thing that happened was my boss had a baby... and i felt nothing but happy and excited for him.  I've been feeling so bitter and self-absorbed, and not having any energy to do more than just get through each day... that I was starting to not even want to see pictures of babies, let alone celebrate them.  But today I felt nothing but joy, which gives me great hope for my BF's upcoming birth in Nov.  I've been reading other infertiles' accounts of their BF's having kids, and they write about how it brings up a lot of emotions for them and is a very trying time.  I've been worrying about how I will react, and after today, I feel like when it actually happens (because right now I'm just coming to terms with how real it's all getting) that I will be able to (hopefully) mostly put aside my own crap and just be happy and excited for all parties involved.  So BF, if you're reading, this time right now sucks, but there is some hope for us even if I am still dealing with IF when you give birth.

1 comment:

  1. Of course I'm reading this. I internet stalk you all the time. I hate that my PG just adds to your pain. I know how hard IF was for me and I didn't have a pregnant BF to deal with. I hope you can separate my PG from your IF, but if you can't that doesn't make you bad. It makes you a normal human being. It also sucks that when it starts to get real for you it's starting to get real for me too. I'm starting to get excited and I feel guilty for that. I don't want to feel guilty for being happy and I don't want you to have to feel guilty for being sad. This just all around sucks balls. But the suck won't last. It may be this cycle. It may be the next or the next, but at some point we will both climb out of the pit of IF. I love you. We'll get through this.