Wednesday, June 1, 2011

end of bedrest

Today is day 2 of bedrest.  It is so different for fresh (plus OHSS) cycles than for frozen.  Frozen was like a forced tv watching vacation where I actually got a little bored.  This past bed rest was just making it through the day.  The mornings and late nights before bed are the worst times.  My stomach feels intensely tender, heavy, nauseous... my breathing is a little labored, I get easily winded, there's pressure in my chest and back.  And yesterday I started getting abdominal cramps -- not horrible ones -- but that's what sent me to the er last time so it scares me.  It all does.  Because I never know what's around the corner, when it will end.. plus treatment's all up to me.  Do I feel bad enough to take pain meds?  Bad enough to get the fluid drained?  Bad enough to go to the hospital?  I wish there were black and white things to look for.  Then there's the emotional stuff going on that I'm really just trying to ignore.

Today's physical stuff was worse than yesterday's... which makes me nervous about going back to work tomorrow.  I know the morning will be hard.  I already washed my hair, picked out something I can wear without being too uncomfortable... I know I'll be okay for parts of the day and not okay for others.  It will be fine.  I just have to make it to the weekend to recover.  I've been drinking about 3 cans of soup per day for the salt.  It's so fucking gross.  Especially first thing in the morning when I'm desperate to feel better.

All that whining aside -- the rational part of me thinks I'm doing better with the OHSS this time.  I don't think I'll wind up in the ER this time... I don't think I'll ask to get tapped (fluid drained thru needle in vag) unless I get way worse... especially not with those 3 embies inside of me.  I guess if I really struggle at work I can lay down for a bit.  I'm nervous about people even asking me about it because right now if I talk about it I get upset.  I don't want to make it weird... but I work in a place where we joke about everything and I am not in a place where I can laugh about any of it.  They have no idea what I've been going through physically (not that they should) and the last thing they knew is I was excited about how many eggs fertilized... i don't think I have the energy to act like it's all good.  Will try my best.

Need to get an extreme hobby (kite surfing, roller derby, sausage enthusiast?) so I can be known for something other than ivf.

Oh, and special shout out to the husbo: he has been on non stop cooking, grocery shopping, dishes, laundry, shot prep and administering, suppository fetching, really everything fetching, watching shitty tv with me, comforting, staying positive for us, handling my mood swings well and general nurse and doc duties since retrieval one week ago.  And he has a day job.  He's the best.  I know he'll make an amazing dad.

1 comment:

  1. I stumbled upon on your blog and can totally relate. I'm battling ohss right now myself. Hopefully we have our 2 embryo transfer this Friday. I'm just tired of the comments people make about ivf in general. It is as you say that they have no idea the commitment this is for you and your husband and then to make some random comment that reduces everything to "you just need to relax" or "oh watch you get pregnant on your own after this.". I'm like uh no, I have a serious medical history and I'm not just experimenting with 20k procedures because I can't relax. It's so infuriating when I'm knee deep in this. I'll be in the 2ww with you. Here's to us getting a BFP.