today's ultrasound

started in the lobby.  I sat and listened ( I could hear enough to piece this together) that the couple before me was pregnant.  I was happy in theory - and I should be.  Another infertile pregnant. Proof that my doc gets people knocked up.  But I was jealous.  They were bickering in the lobby.  The wife yelled at the guy in front of me because he asked if her cell was getting reception.  Anyway, they seemed annoying ( I know -- I'm being catty) and I felt jealous that they were pregnant.

So... my appt.  Mu lining hasn't grown.  It's not a big deal but while he measured it looked like it had shrunk and he asked me if I'd seen any blood.  There was one day where I saw a tiny bit of pink and since it didn't happen again, I didn't call my RE.  Trying not to be paranoid but moments like that don't help.  So lining is about the same and he's not worried.

Then he estimated the number of eggs maturing as "about a million".  I'll take a pic next time.  It's crazy looking.  Not exaggerating, my ovaries look like bags of marbles.  There are only 3 that are growing (10 ish) and they need to get to around 20.  My RE's trying to get the big ones to keep growing and to get SOME of the little ones to mature without too many maturing (see my old entries about OHSS/the worst week of my life to see what we're avoiding).  He said I'm a unique case (awesome - love being a medical mystery) and I'm coming back in Sat., Mon, and then depending on how things look Wed, retrieval no earlier than a week from now.

I asked what he thought will happen next week, and he said he's really not sure.  This probably sounds like a fine visit - but I am an emotional mess right now.  I'm not sure why.

My guesses: not knowing if this cycle is going to work out, already not feeling good (had trouble sleeping from then tension/tenderness in my abdomen -- hard to explain.  I'm already only comfy sweatpants) and most of my follicles haven't even begun to really grow, fearing OHHS, coming to terms with everything that happened last time I did a fresh cycle, general fatigue of dealing with this.